Danny Phantom Porn Story: Awake – Chapter 4

Here you go another chapter.

Thanks for making me feel better. I was surprised to find 11. I thought no one would read.

MommyIm so broken. I dont know if I can break for anyone ever again.

Youre twirling into the rain.

Youre just dancing around; your hairs wet and no on knows that youre just dancing around because youre just so dazed inside out and you look around and no ones watching because no one cares and your bodys soaked with water. Your dresss sticking to you and youre just a drop in the rain.

Just a number. Youre not a name in the world.

Just a drop of rain in thousands, millions, trillions of the same thing and youre fading away, and theres nothing left in you to believe in so you dance around like you dont care because you want to believe it. You want to believe that the suns hiding away from your face and the droplets of rain are your little friend as your black nightgown soaks inside out.

Youre thinking of him and you know that youd do anything to be near his beautiful body. Youd kill yourself.

Youre looking for him and you wont stop until you find him. Hes nineteen now and hes engaged and youre all alone, stuck in a fourteen year old body but youre nineteen inside too and all the memories are fading away with you and all thats left in you is him.

All you ever had is him.

And now, hes being ripped off your hands to some girl whos name is probably Tiffany or Paulina or some other spoiled brat with ready made hair and a beautiful gorgeous body and everyone stares at her when shes walking down the road with lacy, show-off clothes.

Youre not like that.

Your names Sam.

With hair soaked wet.

With a fourteen year old body.

Who everyone ignores because shes so invisible and so very insignificant and youre always just been a drop in the rain. Youre not the sun; youre not the moon, just a tiny drop of rain.

A drop of nothing.

MommyI want to go home but I dont know where home is anymore.

Youre lost.

In this black and gray world, where theres never a blue sky and a rainbow and a sunny day and beautiful smiles.

Youre lost.

In this black and gray world, where theres always the sound of pain, screeching, burning, hurting black and grays always been blurring and twisted and youre in it now and youre so blurry and so sick inside and so twisted that you dont know how to get out.

Youre just freaking lost.

Mommycan I just die? Thats what I want to do. I dont know why I should live anymore.

Youre standing by the pole and your eyes catch something blue glinting in the mist. In your world of gray and black, you see a shine of sapphire blue and you run after it. You can feel the person walking away but youre so far away that you have to run. You feel like you dont have weight but your lungs need oxygen and when you look down to feel something catch your bare blistered feet, you fall onto a person.

And you feel the cold, warm and soft skin and you look into his beautiful now sophisticated eyes and your heart pumps with shock and your eyes are looking at him with sudden life and all the colors of the world pierce through your memory like a bang but the rains still falling and the worlds still gray but his blue eyes make you see all the colors, from the hint of green shine around the corners, to the sweet color of white sparkles in the pools of his eyes, that he found you, and you dont know you can live without him.

Danny?

His eyes pop with shock as he registers your face, your voice, and your eyes. Sam? his voices soft but it hits you like a bang and your heart rips in half and you bury your head in his chest and he grabs onto your back and pulls you close to him as you try to shuffle out your sobs.

Hes engaged. Hes engaged. Hes engaged.

The last thought stabs you, like a knife, to the heart.

Hell never love you.

Mommywhy cant I love him?

Hes gone

Hes gone to her

And hes left me alone into this black and gray world

And I cant see anything anymore but the blackness until I found his eyes, his blue eyes and theyre suffocating me

Drowning me in memories

Memories of him and me

Six years old

The first time I met him

His blue eyes are on my black clothes

You want to play with me?

I played with him a dangerous game

Of seek and destroy

He had my heart

But he still wanted to seek for more

Cant find anything

And that destroyed me

Hes hurt me

Ive given him my heart and hes hurt my Mommy

(You always say bandages are for cuts)

But I cant bandage my cut

Not at all

Its in my heart

And it doesnt stop bleeding

Memories of him and me

Seven years old

The first time I walked to school with him

We didnt meet up

We walked a lonely road

No one watches

Hes holding my hand

Trying to make me feel better

(He doesnt hold my hand anymore when Im sad)

I want to feel like hes holding on

Hes just slipping away

Memories of him and me

Eight years old

The first time I let him come to my house

He saw you

All happy and perky

And wondered why I didnt wear pink

And why I didnt like morning sunshine

And why I didnt smile like you did, Mommy

(I still dont smile)

He doesnt know its because he did this

He shaded me black deep

He made me see in all black and gray

He made me forget how to smile

Because he doesnt like me

Not in the way I could

(Why did I fall in love with him?)

Memories of him and me

Nine years old

The first time I cried in front of him

It was about a broken toy

Its funny

Now, hes broken my heart

Shattered me to pieces

Made me bleed inside

(But I dont know how to cry anymore)

He comforts me

And tells me that its okay

But its not

I know its not

(Whats broken always stays broken unless you fix it)

He doesnt want to fix me

He likes me broken

And shattered

And bleeding, bleeding, bleeding

To death inside

Memories of him and me

Ten years old

The first time he danced with me

Its in the rain

(Because he thinks that I like the rain)

It sounds like broken hearts

Shattered pieces of glass

Its me

He dances and twirls me and laughs as I fall but he doesnt reach out for me to help me up and he doesnt anymore

He just watches behind those glassy eyes

And slowly, all I can see are shattered pieces of glass

In his eyes

And I dont know if hes breaking too

I just know that Im slowly fading away from his mind

(Like pastels slowly fade)

All Ive been through hurts

So very much

And I dont know how to break away from it

Memories of you

Are fading

Memories of him and me

Eleven years old

The first time I fought with him seriously

About Paulina Sanchez

I love her

He told me and even if I was pretty sure he didnt know what love meant, not like I did, it still hurt and it still stained me with blood and it still made me soak in my own pain and he couldnt see any of it at all

I tried to protest

She doesnt even like you

Shes nothing

When whats trying to get out of my mouth is

I want my heart to hate you as much as she doesnt

Im nothing

But nothing bubbles out of my mouth

(Mommy, is it normal to feel empty inside?)

Memories of him and me

Twelve years old

The first time I went to a dance with him

He was looking at all the other pretty girls

Because lets face it

(Im not pretty)

And I will never be

Twirling around the dance floor in a pink sparkly dress

Flirting with that boy by the punch bowl by acting flattered that he complimented your blue dress

Flashing your diva red sequins to everyone with a demanding look in your eyes

Ill never be anything like it

Lets just face it

Memories of him and me

Thirteen years old

The first time I trusted him with a secret

Im not a virgin anymore

You’re joking

He slept with me

I was thinking of Danny the entire way and I know its wrong and I know that it hurt more than anything and I know that no one but him knows that I gave myself up at thirteen years old

Who?

Jeff

Jeffyour babysitter?!

Yeah

Hes likewhat? 18? 19?

16

Why the hell?

I know

Are you pregnant?

No

Are you sure?

Danny, I took a pregnancy test. Im fine

Oh. Does anyone else know?

No, no one

Keep it a secret?

From everyone

Ill be a babysitter when I turn 16

(Im sorry, Mommy. Its just that I wanted to love another man. I wanted so hard to love anyone boy)

Memories of him and me

Fourteen years old

The first time Ive kept his secret

He was suddenly out of the portal, just suddenly an entire different person, but not

Same broken blue eyes

Same cracked tan face

Same dull black hair

That turns into

Crushed glowing green eyes

A fractured paler face

Dull white hair

Youre always just the same

(You cant change who you are)

You still crush me on the inside

And you still hurt me on the inside

And you still want me dead on the inside

And thats the broken truth

Memories of him and me

Are broken

Unable to erase

Make me feel empty

Always have been

Made me bleed internally

I didnt care

Because you didnt

Mommy

Youre all leaving me.

And my memories dont even like me

I know. Most of it was poetry but then again..

It was an update!

lol.

– Sam